Growing up I was never the “Skinny Girl”. I was active, spent a lot of time outside, danced competitively, and enjoyed running but I also liked to EAT! Unfortunately, my family was all naturally thin so nutrition was never a concern in our home. I was not obese but slightly overweight.
My first years of college I started making a few lifestyle changes, drinking water, and watching my portions. I was losing weight and enjoyed the attention that came with the weight loss. Soon I started taking diet pills and weight dropped very quickly. The weight loss came at a cost though, I always had the shakes, my heart was racing, and my chest and face were often red from the thermogenic effect of the drug, but gosh dang it I was finally skinny!! Thankfully the pill was banned…I didn’t die but my mind had become so warped that I probably would have kept taking it to keep losing weight. I had become more focused on being thin than anything else.
When I could no longer get these pills I became worried about gaining weight. I already working out regularly but I started spending hours in the gym, often twice a day to avoid any weight gain. I was slashing my calories and not fueling properly for all of the exercise I was doing. I lived like that for a few weeks at a time but then I would binge, cut back to one gym session a day, and eat whatever the heck I wanted. It was a vicious cycle for years. With the knowledge I now have, I see how unhealthy this was but at the time I am not sure I would have listened if anyone tried to tell me I was ruining my body and my health. All of the recommendations I read told me to “eat less, exercise more” so that is what I did.
I also never prioritized sleep. Like many women I tend to over-commit. To my work, my family, my friends, everything. When my husband and I started dating I was working full-time, going to school at night, and working part-time in retail to make ends meet. Of course I was still hitting up the gym too. It was normal for me to only sleep four to five hours a night, there was not enough time to do everything I needed to do and thought there was no other choice. Self-care is something that needs to be a priority it has become common place for women to put themselves last when we really should be number one on the list!
All of these habits combined probably would have affected me at some point but things came crashing down after my first miscarriage. Any miscarriage is traumatizing and stressful on a woman’s body but mine was a rare occurrence. When we received the news I would miscarry they asked if I wanted to have surgery or to let things happen naturally. I was worried about missing work so I opted to wait and see if things would happen naturally. Over the next few weeks I was told it “Could be normal” not having any physical signs of miscarrying. Then I stopped hearing from the office… I didn’t follow up so that is my own fault but they told me “It could be normal” for nothing to happen. How was I supposed to know any better?! I was pretty alone during this time so if I did have someone reach out I chose to discuss the emotional struggles I was having rather than physical details. Two months later I could tell that things were definitely not normal with my body. I was an emotional wreck, I had gigantic belly bloat, and just knew things were not back to normal. I went to a second doctor for a second opinion. After two months I ended up needing the surgery anyway.
Soon after the surgery I had intense brain fog, I began seeing spots, had trouble concentrating, processing information, my short term memory was non-existent, I had fatigue, anxiety, and felt like I felt like my desk chair was spinning when I had both feet on the ground. The symptoms would come and go throughout the day, there was no rhyme or reason to when they came. I ended up going to urgent care one afternoon and they believed I may have had a stroke or possibly had a brain tumor. They sent me immediately for a sonogram to check blood flow to my brain and then for a MRI. Thank the heavens above that all testing came back clear but I had no answers. In fact, it took two years to get answers. The neurologist thought I had migraines. I knew that was not the case but I took the migraine meds anyway. At this point I had to become an advocate for my own health. My family physician ordered an EKG and labs when all came back fine she basically shrugged her shoulders like… “I don’t know?” Besides the spots, my vision was okay. I went ahead and set up an eye appointment anyway as I wasn’t getting anywhere. The Optometrist was the only doc that suggested the miscarriage cause stress on my body. However, he was not able to offer any suggestions to move forward since my vision was okay. I had multiple EEGs, wore a heart monitor for days, went to an ENT, even a visit with an epileptic specialist. You get the idea, doctor after doctor but no clues what was causing these episodes. I BEGGED my neurologist for a referral to an endocrinologist because I believed something inside my body, my hormones…something was off. I waited months for an appointment but they told me this “wasn’t an endocrine issue”, maybe I had anxiety but I probably just needed to see a psychiatrist.
At this point my episodes were debilitating. I could not function a full day at work or remember what ingredients I needed to make spaghetti. I felt like my brain was working at half capacity, I could not process information and the intensity and length of the episodes were getting worse. There were days that I thought my brain would just shut down. One day, I actually laid a dress out on my bed because I did not want my husband to have to decide what to bury me in. I don’t think he knew how bad it was because I never looked sick and tried to pretend like I had myself together. I am not a complainer but I was scared. On the days it was really bad I thought about going to the ER but every time I went to the doctor they acted like I was crazy. On paper there was nothing “Wrong” I went to tons of specialists, some of the top specialists in the country but they all said I was fine. If you looked at my charts and stats I was healthy as a horse! I was no longer working but I was racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills. I felt helpless. One day, I saw a post on Facebook from a woman experiencing a few of the symptoms were similar to what I was struggling with. It was a long shot but I reached out to her and asked for her doctor’s information. She practiced functional medicine so it would not be covered by our insurance if I saw her doc. I had never heard of functional medicine, the doctor was not local, and I did not even know the person referring me so I was hesitant to move forward. My husband told me to just make an appointment and see what she said. After discussing my history and reviewing my labs the doctor diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism over the phone. She looked at my labs differently than traditional doctors and viewed me as out of range when everyone else thought I was “in range.” Adrenal Fatigue is usually diagnosed with a saliva test but with my history she treated me like I had a positive test, put me on supplements, and I finally started to feel myself again after a few weeks.
Since then I have continued researching and learning about adrenal fatigue, the causes, and the role of the thyroid. Now, I see all of the things I did wrong for YEARS that caused this. It is pretty hard to know I did the majority of the damage. Though healthy eating vegetables and exercise were part of my life, I did not take care of myself and the things I did were not healthy. It has been two years since my regimen began and I have been advised to follow it indefinitely. There are still times when my old symptoms return but it is usually when I am and doing too much or miss my supplements. With time I should continue to heal my adrenals but until then I keep track of how much sleep I get, keep my workouts short, and manage my stress. Before this I was always a “yes” person accepting every invite and participating in anything that came my way. I had to realize that I can’t do everything and learn to say no.
With my experiences I have become passionate about teaching Healthy Habits to other women. I realize many women will run themselves into the ground no matter what I say (I mean I WAS that woman) but it has become my mission to educate and prevent it if at all possible. Yes, exercise, food, and pushing yourself succeed are important but nothing is more important than enjoying the life you have been given. That includes abs. Abs are cool but not THAT cool. Take some time to educate yourself on nutrition but stop feeling guilty if you miss a workout. It is okay to decline invitations and stay home on Saturday night. If you feel you are at a breaking point, take a step back and look at your priorities and commitments. Are these habits healthy? What if your best friend was doing everything you do? If it isn’t healthy for your BFF, it isn’t healthy for you.
